The Answer To My Last Post

So the other night i was supposed to meet up with friends in the valley. I was at work and couldn't attend the party but i knew they were going to be in the valley later that night, so it was all good.

 

I finished work and got out to my car and realised i didn't have the right shirt in my car. I had finished early so i figured I’ll just pop home and grab a shirt so that’s what i did.  I was driving along and sent a message to my friend asking where he was so i could meet up with him, no answer. I arrived home and ran inside to grab my shirt, i said bye to every one, and off i went. i gave him a call and no answer... and another call no answer, i figured i might as well head in any way, cause his phone might have a flat battery, so i went and parked near the hospital, and walked in and as i was doing so i messaged a few people to find where he was....

 

I got one answer, and it said "nup i don't know where he is" ... useless.

 

so there i was walking queen street mall, and i saw a friend that i hadn't seen for about a year, and then i got dragged along with them, after a few clubs, we stop at one place and sat down to have a few drinks, one of my friends went to get a drink and came back. She said “hey i met this polish guy and he is really tall,

 

OMFG.... i know this guy 

 

I ran out to the bar, and there he was.  this was the same guy who replied to my text, oh man, so that was cool and so we were dancing and drinking the whole night, and it came to the end of the night and this chick i knew from school had attached herself to me, so i gathered everyone who was left and we went for breakfast. I had a chicken Caesar salad. After eating that and while talking to every one, this girl managed to fall asleep on my lap, it was cute but awkward.

 

then i didn't think about it before but my plan was that i would crash at my mates place but after all that had happened it didn't seem like that was going to happen so i had to trek it back to my car from the city :(

 

I did meet a nice homeless Aboriginal man though we talked for an hour and a half. I found out that he used to be a drover and then when the mines came there was no land left so then he used to ride in rodeos, but after a while at that he had to move on. He was a very good singer and we talked about music for a large portion of that time. He had a little stereo with a cd of "the carpenters".

 

So i arrived home had a shower tried to get some work done but fell asleep next to the computer, nice and refreshed this morning ;)

:P

bah....

work again... 

...

boring...

things....

stuff...

???...

maybe??

party....

:D

just...  maybe... just...... maybe....

we'll see

Munchkinhugs - blog letter 1

How are you munchkin??

this is a Blog letter, you should send one back as soon as you get this its a quicker alternative to snailmail but not as instant as IM and not as impersonal as E-mail,

i have been good, i found its hard looking for Vac work, and my project is being difficult again but i remain positive that it will get done :D

how are your work / Vac work searches going??

i see you have been doing and are going to do a whole bunch of IRL-life stuff ;) , have fun... eventually i will find a way to to be a part of this IRL-life stuff once again, i think you party way too much... you are becoming a wild child

eventually i think you will get bored and come back to the realisation that the blogosphere (or bloggosphere) is your real home, it is your destiny to return to us

Yours Sincerely

Sir Almo

Re: Depression!!!

im posting, cause  i haven't posted for a while.

i don't know how long its been but my last post had a few people chatting :S... i didn't mean for it to be something big or attention seeking in fact, its weird, i don't usually get so many readers all at once. the point of that was not the depression its self but a way to vent, to tell someone at the least. i don't actually have depression or at least its not diagnosed. It was something i was looking at to describe how i was feeling at that point in time and one thing led to another which resulted in that post

now it was very nice of you all to offer your support, and postive messages and all the rest, but i assure you that those actions can push some one further into a depression, because its makes them feel useless.

in laymans terms

imagine you feel really sad and you have no idea why, and everyone is trying to cheer you up. a normal person would just take it and move on and by the next day..."yeh whatever". A depressed person may behave somewhat differently, you will try to cheer them up and they will feel hopeless, and then you may say things like come on *something somthing* (e.g. its not that hard  or  you can do this) and when they can't you make them feel useless because obviously its something everyone else can do but why can't they.

its not a matter of god either, because i have seen plenty good religious families devistated by depression, and they worst part about it all is that it can increase the need to be normal and therefore increase the feelings of uselessness.

also telling a depressed person that they are not depressed is not the best idea either, you will make them feel insane. something along the lines of "if im not depressed then how come i feel this way?? why can't i stop it??". when someone says that it really makes you question yourself. what am i thinking?? is it real?? is it all in my head??.

telling them to get over it, will most definately drive them insane and infuriate them. Again because they can't just get over it, a frustration builds.

Now obviously i have given you a few hypotheticals but in all honesty doing any of these things to a depressed person can result in the above feelings,

feelings of sadness, uselessness, insanity, frustration, anger. 

and people misunderstand the situation and continue the cycle, perpetuating the depression to the point of no return.  

just something you may want to consider next time :D

Depression!!!

google defines it as

• a mental state characterized by a pessimistic sense of inadequacy and a despondent lack of activity
• sad feelings of gloom and inadequacy
  
• depressive disorder: a state of depression and anhedonia (an inability to experience pleasure) so severe as to require clinical intervention

Now if you have read into my blog, you may have come across this, now something i didn't mention was that before i met her she was traumatised by some pretty nasty things and was forced to grow up a little quicker than most. anyway this led to a deep depression, which i subsequently was subjected to. Now after all this time i am started to think that my exposure to her condition, though it taught me a lot about people, may have infact caused a depression in me.

symptoms as defined by reach out

Mood

• Feeling sad, moody or crap
• Feeling hopeless or helpless 
• Feeling numb or empty
• Feeling anxious 
• Feeling guilty and blaming yourself
• Unable to feel good or enjoy things that you do normally

Thinking

• Being overly self-critical
• Believing you can't cope and that things are out of your control
• Difficulty making decisions and thinking clearly
• Poor concentrating and memory
• Thinking about suicide or ending your life

Behaviour

• Lack of motivation and energy
• Crying a lot
• Losing interest in activities you usually enjoy 
• Withdrawing from your friends and family or being overly dependent on them
• Increased use of alcohol or other drugs
• Losing your temper more than usual

Physical  

• Loss of appetite or over-eating
• Changes in sleep patterns - difficulty getting to sleep, waking up in the middle of the night or sleeping for longer
• Headaches or stomach aches 
• Feeling physically sick
• Lack of interest in sex

im not going to tell which ones they are, So thats them. Now another organisation had a test on their website, i ranked at medium risk and was only a couple of points away from high risk, which really suprised me, cause i didn't think it was that bad, i mean i feel normal, yeah people think im a little weird but i've been like that for as long as i can remember.

now i know that, if i were to go and check this out and it was to be true, then i would have to go through therapy and i honestly can't be bothered, i sat through years of that crap and it wasn't even for me. 

I also don't want antidepressants are for me either i have seen how they change people. its crazy

now to make things worse all of my friends have dissapeared for the holiday period so i really don't have anyone to talk to anymore, and i think that it is loneliness that gets me the most, it's really when im at my worst.

but what am i to do???

if this keeps up, the future doesn't look so good for me